Each parent has a vision of how they want to raise their children. Some have an idea of particular vocational/education pursuits in mind for the child to pursue, or even social/relational goals for the child. Moreover, each parent also has particular lessons that they desire for their children as they grow to into adulthood such as concepts of respect, love, justice, or morality to name a few. Therefore, in order for the parent to help their child navigate through life to reach the particular vision and goals set for their child, each parent develops and implements a particular style of parenting.

Even though each parent may have unique visions and goals for their child, there are commonalities between how parents tend to raise their children. Psychological researchers and theorists have identified that the style a parent uses in raising children can be related to two measurable factors: responsiveness (amount of support/warmth given to the child) and demandingness (expectations/control placed on the child). When considering these two factors, it has been said that there are essentially four parenting styles: authoritarian, permissive, disengaged, and authoritative.

AUTHORITARIAN

This style of parenting is HIGH in demandingness, but LOW in responsiveness. An indication of this parenting style is that the parent holds the child to strong expectations, but gives very little room for the child to make mistakes. Some parents might refer to this style as “tough love” as it is heavy on punishment as corrective action.

Pros: Children conform to parental authority and standards, and will create high expectations for oneself. Parent has ultimate control.

Cons: Children will most likely rebel against rules in future. They may see their relationships and situations with rigidity. It is also indicative that the child will have lower self-esteem due to the high expectation place on self.

PERMISSIVE

This style of parenting is HIGH in responsiveness, but LOW in demandingness. This style can be indicated when the parent is seen as the child’s “friend”. The parent comes across as very caring and warm to the emotional needs of the child. Yet, when it comes to rules and expectations, the parent expects nothing or very little. The child & parent are seen as equals in household authority.

Pros: The emotional bond between the parent & child is really strong. The child is able to share thoughts and feelings with the parent openly. Child may feel as though they have freedom.

Cons: The parent’s expectations are chaotic, if not non-existent, which could mislead the child to believe that the child “do whatever”. Child can learn how to manipulate the parent due to lack of strong expectations. Child may hold other authority figures in contempt as the attitude is “rules don’t matter”.

DISENGAGED

This style of parenting is LOW in both demandingness and responsiveness. Parents that use this style take a “hands-off” approach. This means that there are very little to no expectations on the children. However, it also means that the children also get very little to no attention from the parent with regard to emotional, mental, or even physical support. Essentially, the child learns everything on their own.

Pros: Children have freedom to seemingly “do whatever” they want. The world is theirs to explore. Children learn lessons from the parent indirectly or not at all.

Cons: Children miss out on the direct support that comes from parental engagement. Children may grow up without a strong identity of who they are.

AUTHORITATIVE

This style of parenting is HIGH in both demandingness and responsiveness. A parent here shows balance of creating and maintaining strong expectations for child with offering the child the room to grow through making mistakes along the journey. Parents here walk alongside children regardless of what the child is going through.

Pros: Children will tend to respect expectations laid on them, and will most likely discuss their thoughts and feelings with the parent. It incubates a strong bond between parent and child.

Cons: For the parent, it takes work and time to develop which can be exhausting. However, for the child there this seems to be the style that encourages growth into a well-adjusted adult.  

As a parent, you have quite the undertaking; remember your children, regardless of age, look to you for the direct support that they need to navigate the murky waters of life. Your parenting style creates the environment for your child to learn who they are in this world. You set the pace for the developmental growth of your child. Your contributions to your children are highly valued by them, even if they don’t directly inform you of this.

Author: Leo Preston, Teen CHARGE Production Manager

Broderick, P. C., & Blewitt, P. (2015). The life span: human development for helping professionals (Fourth edition). Boston: Pearson.