by: Gina Boscarino, Teen CHARGE staff member

Recently, I came across my old journals from middle school. As I cringed my way through the dramatic ramblings (fueled by teenage angst and the music of the late 90s- early 2000s) I just kept having the same thought- thank GOD social media wasn’t a thing when I was in my teens and tweens.

For so many of today’s kids, social media has become a sort of diary-a place to share their deepest feelings and frustrations without having to say things out loud. And while it CAN be a wonderful tool for self-expression, the fact that their thoughts are so easily accessible to others can end up being dangerous, embarrassing, and even damaging to their future.

We’ve all heard that once you post something on the internet, it never really goes away. Despite privacy settings and the option to delete posts, anything you share can come back to haunt you. And while this is a difficult concept for many adults to grasp (how many of us have posted something and immediately regretted it?), this is even more difficult for teens to understand.

A lot of that has to do with brain development. The teen brain develops from back to front. The last part of the brain to develop is the frontal lobe, sometimes called the logical part of the brain, which allows us to think through the consequences of our actions and regulate emotional responses. As a result, teens tend to utilize the amygdala more, and make decisions based on emotions and feelings. Unfortunately, as many parents are aware, this doesn’t always result in the best choices.

When it comes to social media, this can lead to the perfect storm. Take a highly reactive and emotional teenager, with little capacity to think through the consequences of their actions. Combine that with a strong desire for self-expression, recognition, and peer approval. Then give that teen a platform with which to share all of their thoughts and feelings with the rest of the world. Is it any wonder that so many teens have a hard time navigating what to share and what not to share on social media?

The good news is that teens can be taught to use social media safely and responsibility. It just takes some guidance from a caring adult. Below are some tips for helping your students.

• Talk to them about why it’s important. Help kids to understand the permanency of the things they post. Even deleted images can be retrieved or saved in a screenshot. Remind them that friends and family are not the only ones who can see the things they post. Future employers, college recruiters, and even volunteer coordinators will look at a person’s social media accounts before making a decision.

• Monitor. Keep an eye on what your child is doing on social media. For younger tweens, you may want to create the social media account together so you have the password. Other parents prefer to simply “friend” or “follow” their kids, but if this makes you uncomfortable or feels like an invasion of privacy, you can also do periodic check-ins with your child. I know one mom who periodically sits down with her teenage son and has him login to his account so she can see what he has been posting. As he told me, “I never post anything bad because I never know when she is going to see it.” These “check ins” are part of an agreement they made several years ago, and were one of the stipulations of allowing him to have his own social media accounts.

• Teach them to ask the right questions. Encourage teens to ask themselves the following before they decide to post something on social media:

Will this cause drama or hurt feelings? (Even if you aren’t friends with someone on social media, it’s NEVER a good idea to post anything that could be hurtful!!!)

Would I be comfortable showing this to my Grandmother/Aunt/Pastor/other adult I admire?

Is this consistent with my morals and values?

How might this affect my future prospects, in terms of getting a job or getting into college?

What message does it send to others about who I am?

Could this cause me pain or embarrassment in the future? (This especially applies to posts about girlfriends/boyfriends! They may feel like the love of your life this week, but you may regret saying that in a month!)

Many people also use the THINK acronym.

Stay tuned for part 2, when we talk about phone apps and other ways to keep kids safe online!