Most people will tell you that they don’t like drama- so why do so many of them keep getting caught up in it? Are they lying then they say they don’t like drama?… or are they just really unlucky and can’t seem to get away from it? Either way, it’s important to remember that when it comes to drama, we make the decision about how much we are going to let it into our lives. It may not be possible to avoid ALL drama, but it is possible to minimize it. Check out these 5 tips to help you Ditch the Drama.

1. Be picky about who is in your friend circle

If I were to ask you to think of someone in your school or grade who is always involved with some type of drama, I have a feeling you could give me a name fairly quickly. These are the people who are best friends with someone one day and enemies the next. They are constantly getting into fights and spreading gossip; when they have a problem with someone, the entire school knows because they tell everyone. If you are looking for a way to cut drama out of your life, start by limiting your interactions with these people. Bonus: they tend to hang out with other people like them, so if you can avoid one, you tend to avoid the entire group. The less you have to do with the group, the less likely you are to get pulled into drama with them.

` 2. Keep it to Yourself

Everyone knows that gossip leads to drama. As a general rule of thumb, you should avoid passing on information that isn’t about you, even if the drama involves you and someone else. This one can be really tough because we like to share our side of the story (and maybe accidentally make ourselves look better). We like it when people agree with us that the other person was in the wrong; maybe we are even hoping our friend will get mad at that person, too. It can be tempting to try to get everybody onto “our” side, but all that does is make the other person more angry, and before you know it, both sides have a team of supporters who are angry at everyone on the other side.

Inviting other people into your situation is the fastest way to ensure that the incident gets spread around, giving others (even those you don’t know) permission to talk about your business. The best way to avoid all of this is to keep it to yourself when you have a problem with someone. If you need to vent, vent to someone who has proven to be trustworthy outside of the group or school. It’s best if they don’t know the person. If people ask you about the situation, tell them politely and respectfully that you would rather not talk about it and change the subject. You don’t owe anyone an explanation.

If you have a friend that is involved in drama and other people are asking you what happened, practice saying these words: “It’s not my story to tell.” Spreading someone else’s drama is a sure way to get pulled into it yourself.

3. Kill it with Kindness

This one sounds simple, but it is probably the most difficult: treat every single person with absolute kindness, regardless of how they treat you. You don’t have to be overly friendly or fake, but be NICE. Go out of your way to include people. Apologize when you do the wrong thing. Form a reputation for being the kid who never has a bad thing to say about anyone. Be so nice that people wouldn’t believe it if they DID hear you said something mean.

4. Refuse to Participate

Part of killing it with kindness involves shutting down gossip anytime it comes up. Let people know that you don’t think it’s fair to talk about someone when they aren’t there to defend themselves, no matter who it is or what they did. People might be irritated at first, but you can remind them that you would do the same thing if you heard someone talking about them. When people know that you don’t like to gossip, they won’t come to you with the gossip. You’ll have a reputation as a positive person who doesn’t participate in tearing down others, and it’s hard not to like or respect someone like that.

Trying to maintain this can be difficult, but if you surround yourself with other people who want to avoid drama, it will be much easier.

5. Let it Go

Lastly, learn to let things go. Not every disagreement or perceived slight has to turn into World War III. Cut people some slack. We all say or do thoughtless things sometime. There is no point in ruining a friendship or potential friendship over a look or a careless word. You don’t have to be a doormat, but you also don’t have to be on the defensive 24/7.